I Lied

... I'm totally writing another post about ladylike behavior.


6. A lady does not allow herself to become inebriated in public. What you do at home is your own business, but there's nothing classy about going out with your friends for the express purpose of getting smashed. (Did I use the word "smashed" correctly? I'm pretty sure I did... but not positive.)

7. A lady does not swear. Yes, I too have fallen out of bed screaming "SH*T!" because I slept too late. And it certainly communicated my feelings at the time. But when you're fully conscious, try to find some alternative interjections (my 6-year-old neighbor's favorite: "oh, corn nuggets!") ; there's nothing edifying about swearing. It sounds uneducated and crass, and there may be children listening. People will judge you. Rise above the occasion, ladies.

8. A lady does not gossip with malicious intent. Ideally, ladies shouldn't gossip at all, but we all know that will never happen. If you must exchange tittle-tattle with your girlfriends, try to keep things gracious and approach the conversation with a positive attitude. Nobody likes a backstabber; you don't want a reputation for sticking your knife into people at every opportunity, nor do you want to be known for blabbing everyone's secrets to the world.
Unfortunately, this includes bad-mouthing your ex-boyfriends. If he was really, really a jerk and broke your heart, feel free to elaborate to your best friend or your mother for a month or two - just don't make a public service announcement about it. Telling the world how awful he is doesn't make you look like a strong, powerful woman. It makes you look bratty (plus, it REALLY scares other men, even the ones who are nice and would never do something like that). Use your discretion, and take the high road.

9. A lady does not smoke. This one's controversial. A lot of women smoked during the 20s - 50s eras because it was considered glamorous and modern. Who doesn't love Lauren Bacall's smoky, sexy alto voice?
But here's the deal - it's NOT glamorous these days, it's tacky. Besides, glamorous does not equal ladylike. So my call on this is: real ladies don't smoke. Have you SEEN what that crap is doing to your insides? It causes lung cancer, emphysema, and scores of other life-threatening-or-debilitating conditions. It also makes you stink, and it yellows your teeth.
If you've never smoked, don't start. If you just started, PLEASE stop now while it's still relatively easy. If you are addicted to cigarettes, I can't help you, but here's somewhere to start:

http://www.cancer.org/Healthy/StayAwayfromTobacco/GuidetoQuittingSmoking/index


10. A lady treats her gentleman with respect. Gentlemen are wonderful human beings (I, for one, am EXTREMELY fond of mine), and they like it when you let them know you appreciate them holding doors and the other gallant things they do.
One way to show appreciation is to refrain from nagging at them, whining at them, putting them down, or yelling at them. Maybe he forgot to take the trash out... for the fifth time... but don't explode at him. Take a deep breath, and then go find him, make physical contact (e.g. a hand on the shoulder) and ask him in a calm, sweet tone of voice to take out the trash. Or you could appeal to his sense of manliness: "Honey, could you please take this out for me? I tried, but it's really heavy." And here's the thing: it's not manipulative. You DO appreciate him. It's just a matter of knowing how to communicate in a way that makes him want to respond. It's all in how you ask.
Also, we aren't the only ones who like compliments. In fact, compliments and positive affirmation are necessary to mental health. So give him compliments from time to time on things he does well - is he great at sports? Does he make the world's best burger? Is he a good writer? Does he sing like an angel? Does he look super-hot in that shirt you like? Tell him! He can't read your mind.