I have been at a loss for things to write for quite some time now. Then I realized: you don't have to have anything interesting to say to write a blog.
Be thee watchful, cyberspace, for inane babble shall be forthcoming.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Top Ten: How to Annoy a Singer
This is not aimed strictly at the non-musicians; on the contrary, fellow singers can be the most annoying concert-goers on the planet. The following list(s) is (are) the result of many years of performance, many years of attending recitals and concerts, and many entertaining stories from my colleagues.
BEFORE THE CONCERT:
5. Go backstage to tell your friend a funny story about a singer who fainted or fell over in the middle of their concert.
4. Go backstage to see what your friend is wearing; be sure to tell him/her that their outfit would have been better in another color or size.
3. Talk about the play you've been studying in Shakespeare class. Be sure to tell your friend "Good luck" before you dash off to find a front row seat.
2. Text your friend to inform them that their parents are not here yet, and you hope nothing tragic has happened.
1. Remark to nearby audience members that you have sung most of the songs on the program. They weren't challenging enough for you, but you're sure your friend will do a great job.
DURING THE CONCERT:
5. Inform your neighbors that you know the soloist. Make sure you speak loudly enough for the rest of the audience to hear you.
4. Rustle your program loudly and unwrap as many pieces of candy as possible.
3. Cheer after every song.
2. Do your homework during the boring songs.
1. Hum along with the songs you know. Don't sing TOO loudly, but make sure the people around you know that you are at least as good a singer as your friend.
AFTER THE CONCERT:
5. Throw flowers onto the stage - be sure to aim for your friend's head so she can see them coming.
4. Thank your neighbor for the use of their pencil, which you borrowed to do your homework.
3. Inform your friend that the recital was lovely, but you couldn't understand any of the words.
2. Tell your friend that he/she should audition for American Idol.
1. Ask your friend why she can't sing more like Miley Cyrus.
BEFORE THE CONCERT:
5. Go backstage to tell your friend a funny story about a singer who fainted or fell over in the middle of their concert.
4. Go backstage to see what your friend is wearing; be sure to tell him/her that their outfit would have been better in another color or size.
3. Talk about the play you've been studying in Shakespeare class. Be sure to tell your friend "Good luck" before you dash off to find a front row seat.
2. Text your friend to inform them that their parents are not here yet, and you hope nothing tragic has happened.
1. Remark to nearby audience members that you have sung most of the songs on the program. They weren't challenging enough for you, but you're sure your friend will do a great job.
DURING THE CONCERT:
5. Inform your neighbors that you know the soloist. Make sure you speak loudly enough for the rest of the audience to hear you.
4. Rustle your program loudly and unwrap as many pieces of candy as possible.
3. Cheer after every song.
2. Do your homework during the boring songs.
1. Hum along with the songs you know. Don't sing TOO loudly, but make sure the people around you know that you are at least as good a singer as your friend.
AFTER THE CONCERT:
5. Throw flowers onto the stage - be sure to aim for your friend's head so she can see them coming.
4. Thank your neighbor for the use of their pencil, which you borrowed to do your homework.
3. Inform your friend that the recital was lovely, but you couldn't understand any of the words.
2. Tell your friend that he/she should audition for American Idol.
1. Ask your friend why she can't sing more like Miley Cyrus.
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